Skin Care Necessities

Hello fellow interweb friends!

So being a girl, I have a whole lot of skin issues and body image problems, which is never fun, but thank goodness, there are products out there that an help/improve my problems and issues! First is my face! My main problem is the black heads on my face. I have quite a bit of black heads, which automatically darkens my face and make it look not as bright as it is. My black heads mainly gather around my nose and chin. Those areas not only darken, but it leaves some kind of a shadow on my face, making other areas look darker than what it actually is. I started using Origins "Clear Improvement" charcoal mask. I usually put this on 2-3 times a week, depending how much make-up I wear during the week. The more I wear, the more I'll use the mask just because it does a very good job unclogging my pores and clearing up my skin. 

Usually, after I use this, I will use Origins' "GinZing" moisturizer as well.The GinZing moisturizer has all natural ingredients, just like all other Origins products. The one thing I really appreciate about this one is it does not leave my skin feeling oily or heavy at all! To me, it's like I slathered loads of water on it. My face feels nice and fresh when I put it on after the mask, and when I wake up in the morning, my face just feels nice and smooth! So right now, I'm only using a mini sample pot just because I wasn't sure if my skin will react well to the moisturizer, but now that I know my skin loves it, I will be going back soon to get a full sized one. And of course, who can forget about the lips, definitely not me! So after I put on my moisturizer, I also put a bit of my Dior "Creme De Rose" on and leave it over night. This lip balm, though expensive, really does the job! It leaves my lips feeling soft an smooth all day long! I usually only need to put it on once a day and my lips already feel amazing, so imagine the wonderful results after masking it all night?!?!

Another one of Origins' mask that I thoroughly enjoy is the "Drink Up Intensive Mask." This one, in spring and summer, I will only use once a week just to replenish the moisture in my skin since I am out in the sun a lot and probably use a lot of make up. If you read my previous post, you know I have a bit of oily skin, but still, there are dry spots and after I use a lot of make up during the week, I definitely feel my skin getting a little weird. This mask is perfect to use once a week just to get the nutrients and natural oils back in my skin to replenish it. I use it once a week because I have oilier skin, but for those who have drier skin, I would suggest doing it twice a week. You definitely feel a difference when you wake up in the morning, especially since this is a leave-on mask and you can just wipe it off in the morning when you get ready. Once again, I'm using a small sample pot to try it out on my skin, but I am for sure getting this in a full sized one to use at home but also a travel sized one for when I go to Vietnam. I definitely do not enjoy the gross, dried-out feeling of my skin when I'm sitting on the plane for 18 hours straight, so this shall keep my skin feeling nice and smooth and moist!

So besides bad facial skin, I also have bad body skin! Even though I've never had kids or gain major amounts of weight, I deal with stretch mark problems. It is definitely not the most pleasant problem to deal with, especially since I'm barely 20 something with no kids and all the girls my age are looking nice and smooth in their two-pieced bathing suits! I've learned to embrace my stretch-marks, or my "life-stripes" as I'd like to call them, making it sound ferocious like tiger stripes. Still, I want to minimize the stripes appearance, so I use Palmer's "Tummy Butter" and then also later on lotion specialized for stretch marks. I usually put these one everyday after I shower, but before doing so, I make sure I exfoliate my tummy area well so that all the moisture and cocoa/shea butter and vitamin E can soak in to give me the best results possible! These products aren't like MIRACLE WORKERS, so I'm not expecting all my stripes to go away, but I definitely see improvements. All I can ask for is to lighten my stripes, so I don't feel like a complete fatty next to all these smoothed-skin-skinny girls in the summer! Since I know my body and my issues, you will rarely catch me in a two-pieced bathing suit because of this, but I still enjoy one-piecers that have a little cut-out and what not, so I am definitely appreciating these Palmer products that are making my skin look a little better in my bathing suits!

So of course, it is important to keep your body completely moisturized, so I never miss a day of lotioning my skin after I shower! And hand creme and foot creme are a must too just because no one wants flaky/cracked/dried out hands and feet, especially during the summer time when we're all out and about in our sandals and flip flops!

That's pretty much how I deal with my body issues, still working on the mental issues, but hey, a girl can only do so much at a time right?!?! If you guys have any other suggestions for stretch marks or my "life-stripes" please do share!

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

I'm Just a Facade

Hello fellow interweb friends,

Disclaimer!!! This is a very long post about me and my insecurities. It's a heavier (no pun intended), more emotional post.

In my first post, I gave you a little hint into who I am and things I love and enjoy but didn't really let you know who I am. From what you can see in the last few posts, I am a pretty upbeat, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. However, that obviously is not the case. I try my best to stay happy and positive just to put my mind in a better place as well as keep those around me from worrying since I can cry very easily if I let my mind get the best of me. I guess I do a very good job at this because sometimes even I believe I am happy myself and if you ask any one of my friends, they probably can't tell you the last time they've seen me sad or cried unless they are one of my very, very close girlfriends who I tell everything to (and there are very few of those). Unfortunately though, as I was studying for my exams this coming week, I had a break down moment and I think a lot of that is because I don't open up about my feelings a lot, and so I kind of imploded. I know I have amazing friends that I can talk to about anything and everything, however, this is something that, whenever I think about it, I just start crying because I think the problem is so deep-rooted in me. I have many, many insecurities, from physical to emotional ones, and the past few months have definitely highlighted them all and they keep coming back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to not pay attention to it. 

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First off, as a girl, I am super insecure about my physical appearance. To start of, I know I am not a huge girl, but after being reminded so many times that I am fat and big and not attractive, of course I will have problems with my body image. I've always been insecure about my body just because I don't fit your typical petite, thin Asian frame. I get reminded of that all the time since many people in my family and family friends cannot understand that my body is just different from your typical Asian body physique. On top of being reminded of how my body isn't as small as it should it, it's even harder when it comes to finding clothes. I feel like I have to find things to cover up my oh-so-big body cause I don't want people to notice my thicker areas and what not. I've dieted with various kinds of meal supplements. Lately, I've been eating healthier, juicing, and everything else when it comes to dietary fads under the sun. On top of changing my eating habits, I even started working out, but I don't know why, nothing is changing. My body is still as big as it always has been. I know I am probably smaller than others, but when I'm constantly being told and questioned about my size, I definitely will also end up looking back at myself in a negative light.

The negative body image costs me my emotional security too. I've always had a very hard time when it comes to my emotions and feelings when it comes to boys/guys. Because of my body image, when I get denied by someone I have feelings for, my immediate response to myself is that I'm probably too fat for him, not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not fun enough, just everything negative that I can think about myself as to why someone wouldn't be interested in me. I finally thought I got over these insecurities when I got into a relationship with my recent ex-boyfriend. I thought I totally found someone who loves me for me and my size and everything that I am. Our relationship was amazing until things started going downhill. Him and I were together for five years, most of it was long distance because his own personal reason that I do not want to disclose to you since that's his life and I don't want to be disrespectful and talk about it on my blog without him knowing.

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Recently though, after 5 years, we decided to go separate ways. Problems started coming up around the last year or so because that was when he started to be "busy" a lot and spent less and less time with me; sometimes, we wouldn't really talk or Skype with each other for a week or so. Since our relationship was long distance, to me, even a small text or a short Skype session made all the difference in the world because I loved my time with him and just hearing his voice calms me from all the troubles going on in my life while he's away. So anyways, my insecurities came up again when I started noticing that he's being more distant with his "busy" life. I started to think: "is he bored of me now?", "what did I do that's making him not wanting to talk to me?", it even came to thoughts like "is he no longer attracted to me so he is slowly walking away from our relationship?". It got to the point where I thought of some really negative things, and for some reason, I always end up thinking that everything going wrong happened because of me. When we completely ended our relationship, all these questions came rushing back to me. I tried to tell myself that he did love me and that we broke up for our own reasons I prefer not to disclose here just yet. 

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However, as I start to feel like I'm good with myself again and stop letting my insecurities get the best of me, everything started to come rushing back. A few months after my break-up, some old feelings for an old friend that I've known forever came back. Now, these feelings have been there for him for as long as I can remember, but it's one of those things where timing was never on our side, so it was never really put out there. Since I've known this friend for so long, I decided to tell him, and of course, it resulted with a rejection. I completely understand why he didn't reciprocated because he's been through quite a bit and we have polar opposite view points on life and relationship. Being typical me, I smiled and let things be as they were. When we run into each other, a mutual hello and a smile ensues, I kept things between him and I as normal as ever. It's been about a month or so since I told my friend my feelings for him and was rejected. Even though I understand his reasons for not reciprocating and appreciate that he can actually tell me why, it is still hard to hear that you're not wanted, especially as a girl with all the insecurities in the world. As a side note, this is not the first time I've been told "no" by a crush who is also a good friend. Since they're my good friends, it makes it that much harder because they know me so much better than just any random guy. Because they know me as a person, my character, how I am and the way I act, the only reason I can think of for not being wanted is my physical appearance. Of course, everyone wants to have the good looking girl on their arm, the hottie-patottie as a girlfriend, and since I keep on getting rejected, I feel like there is something wrong with my appearance. 

I am still finding ways to protect myself and build my self-esteem. I eventually want to be completely happy with myself again and find someone who appreciates me for all that I am to share my adventurous fun side with. I know they say you have to love yourself first, and so I know I need to work on my own view of myself but it's hard to feel like I'm constantly being put down by certain people around me as I try to improve myself. In a way, me building my self-esteem again is like a recovering/healing period for me, and I just really want someone to be there with me. I know I have all my friends around me that can be the people who can help me, but it is different with you have the support of a significant other. I appreciate all my friends for the support and love they give me, but still, whenever I had trouble and my ex was there, it was a different kind of support that makes me feel kind of invincible. I think that all comes from the idea that he could have had anyone in the world to love and care for and he chose, so his love and support made me feel that much stronger. I want to eventually find a person who can make me feel invincible again and in return, I will do everything in my power to make them feel happy and loved and cared for and as happy as can be. 

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For now though, I have to make peace with myself first. I'm not quite sure how I will do that just yet besides making different lifestyle choices to improve on myself physically. As we all know, our body is our temple, we need to take care of it and respect it. I need to find a medium ground where I take in all these criticisms but don't use it against myself. I want to find a balance to where I take the critiques as something to feed my motivation instead of letting it tear me down. Hopefully, the next time I have these emotional breakdowns, it is because I've realized how amazing I am (not to sound conceited or anything).

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Thank you for all your support just by reading this post,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen