Liebster Award!

Hello fellow interweb friends!

Today, an old co-worker of mine, Megan, gave me the most unexpected and exciting news that I've gotten in a long time and that is she has nominated my blog, this blog, for the The Liebster award! It is  an honor that gets passed among fellow bloggers, who nominate other small blogs with less than 200 followers. 

Liebster: German for beloved, dearest.

Before I get on with explaining to you about the nominations, I'd like to share with you Megan's blog where she talks about hobbies she's gotten into as a graduate student as well as her adventures planning her wedding. I honestly did not know she blogs until she told me about the nomination and linked me to her blog, which I find to be very fun and quirky to read. And with that said, please check out Megan's blog!

Megan from Grad Student Needs Hobby

The rules for the nominations are as follows: 

1. You must link back to the person who nominated you.

2. You must answer the 11 questions given to you by your nominator.

3. You must pick 11 bloggers, each with under 200 followers, to be nominated.

4. You must come up with 11 questions for your nominees to answer.

5. You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.

Before I link 11 other bloggers for the award, I think I will answer some of Megan's questions first!

1. How long have you been blogging?

My blog is is actually still very young. It will be 5 months old coming up on September 16, so I guess I can say that I've been blogging for about 5 months now. 

2. What are your favorite posts to write?

My favorite posts are usually food or fashion related, especially bargained fashion pieces that I find every once in a while. For me, between my foods and my fashion choices, I have a lot to say and share just because I enjoy those two very much. Both of those types of blog posts represent my personality very well, so I feel like not only am I sharing something with my readers, who I prefer to think of as my interweb friends, but am also letting them get to know me as a person through the way to write. 

3. Other than blogging, what is your favorite hobby?

Besides my blog, I like to make random YouTube videos that I also share in my blogs. A recent hobby that I picked up is going to the gym with my friends. As for times when I'm not blogging or working out, I like to find new music to listen to. 

4. How many blogs do you follow?

I think I only follow a total of less than 10 blogs? I'm not a huge blog reader; the only reason I started my blog was to use it as a distraction from darker days that I went through this past year, but now, I am in love with it and it is like my interweb baby!

5. Finish the sentence: My weakness is...

FRENCH FRIES!

6. What is your favorite book?

My all-time favorite book has to be Jane Eyre! I am a weak link for a good love story!

7. How would you rate your cooking skill?

My cooking skill is zero to non-existent! I mean I can manage to survive from day to day, but I don't think I'm that confident in my cooking to want to feed people. 

8. What is your favorite social media site?

My favorite media site is probably YouTube because it is a mix of everything I love. I can explore anything from fashion to food to music in a very interactive way by watching other people's videos.

9. If you could make a living doing anything, what would it be?

If I could make a living off of just eating food and talking about food, then I would totally do it! There is something about eating that just makes me super happy, especially when the food tastes good and also have amazing arrangement because I think the prettier the food layout is, the better the taste will be, even if it is not as good.

10. Name your top 5 favorite music artists.

This one is very hard! Right now, I'm in love with Bastille, Jess Penner, Empire of the Sun, Luke Bryan, and Lana Del Rey. I have a very wide variety in my taste for music, as you can tell, so for me to pick only 5 favorites, it is very hard because I feel like I look to a certain artist when I feel a certain way. With that being said though, these five are probably my go-to artists to make me feel happy and wonderful.

11. What are your dreams/aspirations for your blog?

Dreams and aspirations for my blog...probably to share it with as many people as possible! I would love to start interacting more with my interweb friends just so we can pick each other's minds and share things with one another. I feel like some of us can break out of our shells better behind a screen, which will allow us to learn more from one another.

Here are the blogs that I'd like to nominate:

Domesticated Working Woman - Lindsay Gaines

We Do Fun Here - Jenn K

I Can Cook That - Kaitlin

Simply Chels - Chelsea Michelson

Girl In Betsey - Krystin Tysire

Colors of Honey - Kirby Margaret

Skinny Student - Marie Harper

Adventures of Teresa and Luna - Teresa Young

Let Them Eat Macarons - Aida

Mommiez on a Mission - Nicole Howell

Miss Holly Berries - Holly

And my questions for the nominees are...

1. What made you want to start a blog?

2. What is the story behind your blog's name?

3. Who/what inspired you to start a blog?

4. What is one random fact about yourself that you've not shared on your blog?

5. What is your favorite blog?

6. What kinds of posts do you enjoy to read/write most?

7. If you can write about anything, what would it be?

8. If you can live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

9. Where do you see your blog 5 years from now?

10. What is your favorite thing about blogging?

11. What is your most favorite post on your own blog?

Good luck to all the nominees,

Until next time,

Uyen

I'm Just a Facade

Hello fellow interweb friends,

Disclaimer!!! This is a very long post about me and my insecurities. It's a heavier (no pun intended), more emotional post.

In my first post, I gave you a little hint into who I am and things I love and enjoy but didn't really let you know who I am. From what you can see in the last few posts, I am a pretty upbeat, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. However, that obviously is not the case. I try my best to stay happy and positive just to put my mind in a better place as well as keep those around me from worrying since I can cry very easily if I let my mind get the best of me. I guess I do a very good job at this because sometimes even I believe I am happy myself and if you ask any one of my friends, they probably can't tell you the last time they've seen me sad or cried unless they are one of my very, very close girlfriends who I tell everything to (and there are very few of those). Unfortunately though, as I was studying for my exams this coming week, I had a break down moment and I think a lot of that is because I don't open up about my feelings a lot, and so I kind of imploded. I know I have amazing friends that I can talk to about anything and everything, however, this is something that, whenever I think about it, I just start crying because I think the problem is so deep-rooted in me. I have many, many insecurities, from physical to emotional ones, and the past few months have definitely highlighted them all and they keep coming back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to not pay attention to it. 

Source

First off, as a girl, I am super insecure about my physical appearance. To start of, I know I am not a huge girl, but after being reminded so many times that I am fat and big and not attractive, of course I will have problems with my body image. I've always been insecure about my body just because I don't fit your typical petite, thin Asian frame. I get reminded of that all the time since many people in my family and family friends cannot understand that my body is just different from your typical Asian body physique. On top of being reminded of how my body isn't as small as it should it, it's even harder when it comes to finding clothes. I feel like I have to find things to cover up my oh-so-big body cause I don't want people to notice my thicker areas and what not. I've dieted with various kinds of meal supplements. Lately, I've been eating healthier, juicing, and everything else when it comes to dietary fads under the sun. On top of changing my eating habits, I even started working out, but I don't know why, nothing is changing. My body is still as big as it always has been. I know I am probably smaller than others, but when I'm constantly being told and questioned about my size, I definitely will also end up looking back at myself in a negative light.

The negative body image costs me my emotional security too. I've always had a very hard time when it comes to my emotions and feelings when it comes to boys/guys. Because of my body image, when I get denied by someone I have feelings for, my immediate response to myself is that I'm probably too fat for him, not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not fun enough, just everything negative that I can think about myself as to why someone wouldn't be interested in me. I finally thought I got over these insecurities when I got into a relationship with my recent ex-boyfriend. I thought I totally found someone who loves me for me and my size and everything that I am. Our relationship was amazing until things started going downhill. Him and I were together for five years, most of it was long distance because his own personal reason that I do not want to disclose to you since that's his life and I don't want to be disrespectful and talk about it on my blog without him knowing.

Source

Recently though, after 5 years, we decided to go separate ways. Problems started coming up around the last year or so because that was when he started to be "busy" a lot and spent less and less time with me; sometimes, we wouldn't really talk or Skype with each other for a week or so. Since our relationship was long distance, to me, even a small text or a short Skype session made all the difference in the world because I loved my time with him and just hearing his voice calms me from all the troubles going on in my life while he's away. So anyways, my insecurities came up again when I started noticing that he's being more distant with his "busy" life. I started to think: "is he bored of me now?", "what did I do that's making him not wanting to talk to me?", it even came to thoughts like "is he no longer attracted to me so he is slowly walking away from our relationship?". It got to the point where I thought of some really negative things, and for some reason, I always end up thinking that everything going wrong happened because of me. When we completely ended our relationship, all these questions came rushing back to me. I tried to tell myself that he did love me and that we broke up for our own reasons I prefer not to disclose here just yet. 

Source

However, as I start to feel like I'm good with myself again and stop letting my insecurities get the best of me, everything started to come rushing back. A few months after my break-up, some old feelings for an old friend that I've known forever came back. Now, these feelings have been there for him for as long as I can remember, but it's one of those things where timing was never on our side, so it was never really put out there. Since I've known this friend for so long, I decided to tell him, and of course, it resulted with a rejection. I completely understand why he didn't reciprocated because he's been through quite a bit and we have polar opposite view points on life and relationship. Being typical me, I smiled and let things be as they were. When we run into each other, a mutual hello and a smile ensues, I kept things between him and I as normal as ever. It's been about a month or so since I told my friend my feelings for him and was rejected. Even though I understand his reasons for not reciprocating and appreciate that he can actually tell me why, it is still hard to hear that you're not wanted, especially as a girl with all the insecurities in the world. As a side note, this is not the first time I've been told "no" by a crush who is also a good friend. Since they're my good friends, it makes it that much harder because they know me so much better than just any random guy. Because they know me as a person, my character, how I am and the way I act, the only reason I can think of for not being wanted is my physical appearance. Of course, everyone wants to have the good looking girl on their arm, the hottie-patottie as a girlfriend, and since I keep on getting rejected, I feel like there is something wrong with my appearance. 

I am still finding ways to protect myself and build my self-esteem. I eventually want to be completely happy with myself again and find someone who appreciates me for all that I am to share my adventurous fun side with. I know they say you have to love yourself first, and so I know I need to work on my own view of myself but it's hard to feel like I'm constantly being put down by certain people around me as I try to improve myself. In a way, me building my self-esteem again is like a recovering/healing period for me, and I just really want someone to be there with me. I know I have all my friends around me that can be the people who can help me, but it is different with you have the support of a significant other. I appreciate all my friends for the support and love they give me, but still, whenever I had trouble and my ex was there, it was a different kind of support that makes me feel kind of invincible. I think that all comes from the idea that he could have had anyone in the world to love and care for and he chose, so his love and support made me feel that much stronger. I want to eventually find a person who can make me feel invincible again and in return, I will do everything in my power to make them feel happy and loved and cared for and as happy as can be. 

Source

For now though, I have to make peace with myself first. I'm not quite sure how I will do that just yet besides making different lifestyle choices to improve on myself physically. As we all know, our body is our temple, we need to take care of it and respect it. I need to find a medium ground where I take in all these criticisms but don't use it against myself. I want to find a balance to where I take the critiques as something to feed my motivation instead of letting it tear me down. Hopefully, the next time I have these emotional breakdowns, it is because I've realized how amazing I am (not to sound conceited or anything).

Source

Thank you for all your support just by reading this post,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen