It's the Little Things

Hello fellow interweb friends!

I don't know about you, but I know, as a girl, I pick up little signs and signals very fast that make me feel special or wanted by someone I'm interested in. Recently, I was in a situation where all the little signs and gestures were there, but since I'm a little more traditional when it comes to things like that, I interpreted it different from the person who was giving off the signals. In a way, I feel like the little "love" gestures are now being thrown out and about without any kind of feelings or emotional attachment to it, kind of like the word "love" being taken for granted. As much as we have evolved into the 21st century and become more modernized and open-minded, I still believe that certain traditional practices and values should be kept traditional and with that, I mean you should act affectionate (like physical touching and holding) only to the person who you have feelings for, just as long as they reciprocate. The worse thing is for a guy to make a girl feel special and then toss her to the curb the next day or when a guy gives a girl special attention as he talks about another girl he is hooking up with, especially when he knows this girl he's giving special attention to is not the type to kiss and tell or do casual relationships. 

When it comes to affections and love, everyone has their own way of showing it and receiving it. I recently read the book "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman that kind of summarizes who certain people have different ways of showing their love as well as ways in which they interpret love. This book has really opened my eyes to different ways of showing someone I love them. For some, saying you love them isn't enough, for others, saying you love them as well as making time for them will make them feel like they're in heaven, so I definitely recommend this book if you want to learn a little bit more about yourself as well as our special person. But anyways, for me, I believe that we all receive and give love through physical touch to a certain degree, so I think, as a way to respect the person you're interested in, there should be a boundary when it comes to touch. Like I said earlier, if you're like me, an arm around the waist, arm on the lower back, etc. are signs of affection that only two people who are interested in each other would do, so unless it is clear that touching is not a sign of affection for you, then I don't think it's a good idea just to be throwing your arms around a girl who may be interested in you cause that is just a whole big misunderstanding in the making! In a way, physical touch is the most basic form of showing love and affection, our most instinctive one, so be considerate and take a second to think how the other person may take it before you put your arms around them.

Us girls love feeling loved and appreciated, so by the littlest touch or a small gesture can make us feel on top of the world. We don't always need big things like jewelry or fancy trips, just a little door-opening here and a little kiss there, maybe a bouquet of flowers as an element of surprise can put us over the moon! Even though some girls will make it seem like they're fine with the whole casual relationship/sex thing, deep down, they still appreciate a nice gentleman who will wine and dine them. There is nothing with a little wine and dine here and there, even if you are just having casual sex with each other; personally, that's not my thing, but if it works for you, then hooray, just show the other person a little appreciation and everything will be peachy keen!

So girls, if you're the one reading this, we can do the same for the guys we're with or interested in. Sometimes, we expect the guys to do things, but I'm sure they can use a day where we baby them a bit and give in to their whims, make them feel a little special as well. They may not want flowers and chocolates, but what guy doesn't like a nice night of video games or sports, so be the sensual but yet also cool and understand girlfriend/significant other and throw a game night or something you know he'd enjoy just to show him that you appreciate him a lot too! 

In a way, relationship or not, when you want to show the person you are interested in that you feel something special for them, do the little gestures. Girls love the little details and well, as much as we think guys are oblivious to the little things, they appreciate a nice little something too! It's a two way street! Girls can't expect guys to do everything and well guys, we will also try our best to do little things for you too! Let's bring back courtship because if we look back to our parents' and grandparents' relationships, it all started with courtship, and look how long in love they stayed?!?!

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

I'm Just a Facade

Hello fellow interweb friends,

Disclaimer!!! This is a very long post about me and my insecurities. It's a heavier (no pun intended), more emotional post.

In my first post, I gave you a little hint into who I am and things I love and enjoy but didn't really let you know who I am. From what you can see in the last few posts, I am a pretty upbeat, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. However, that obviously is not the case. I try my best to stay happy and positive just to put my mind in a better place as well as keep those around me from worrying since I can cry very easily if I let my mind get the best of me. I guess I do a very good job at this because sometimes even I believe I am happy myself and if you ask any one of my friends, they probably can't tell you the last time they've seen me sad or cried unless they are one of my very, very close girlfriends who I tell everything to (and there are very few of those). Unfortunately though, as I was studying for my exams this coming week, I had a break down moment and I think a lot of that is because I don't open up about my feelings a lot, and so I kind of imploded. I know I have amazing friends that I can talk to about anything and everything, however, this is something that, whenever I think about it, I just start crying because I think the problem is so deep-rooted in me. I have many, many insecurities, from physical to emotional ones, and the past few months have definitely highlighted them all and they keep coming back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to not pay attention to it. 

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First off, as a girl, I am super insecure about my physical appearance. To start of, I know I am not a huge girl, but after being reminded so many times that I am fat and big and not attractive, of course I will have problems with my body image. I've always been insecure about my body just because I don't fit your typical petite, thin Asian frame. I get reminded of that all the time since many people in my family and family friends cannot understand that my body is just different from your typical Asian body physique. On top of being reminded of how my body isn't as small as it should it, it's even harder when it comes to finding clothes. I feel like I have to find things to cover up my oh-so-big body cause I don't want people to notice my thicker areas and what not. I've dieted with various kinds of meal supplements. Lately, I've been eating healthier, juicing, and everything else when it comes to dietary fads under the sun. On top of changing my eating habits, I even started working out, but I don't know why, nothing is changing. My body is still as big as it always has been. I know I am probably smaller than others, but when I'm constantly being told and questioned about my size, I definitely will also end up looking back at myself in a negative light.

The negative body image costs me my emotional security too. I've always had a very hard time when it comes to my emotions and feelings when it comes to boys/guys. Because of my body image, when I get denied by someone I have feelings for, my immediate response to myself is that I'm probably too fat for him, not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not fun enough, just everything negative that I can think about myself as to why someone wouldn't be interested in me. I finally thought I got over these insecurities when I got into a relationship with my recent ex-boyfriend. I thought I totally found someone who loves me for me and my size and everything that I am. Our relationship was amazing until things started going downhill. Him and I were together for five years, most of it was long distance because his own personal reason that I do not want to disclose to you since that's his life and I don't want to be disrespectful and talk about it on my blog without him knowing.

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Recently though, after 5 years, we decided to go separate ways. Problems started coming up around the last year or so because that was when he started to be "busy" a lot and spent less and less time with me; sometimes, we wouldn't really talk or Skype with each other for a week or so. Since our relationship was long distance, to me, even a small text or a short Skype session made all the difference in the world because I loved my time with him and just hearing his voice calms me from all the troubles going on in my life while he's away. So anyways, my insecurities came up again when I started noticing that he's being more distant with his "busy" life. I started to think: "is he bored of me now?", "what did I do that's making him not wanting to talk to me?", it even came to thoughts like "is he no longer attracted to me so he is slowly walking away from our relationship?". It got to the point where I thought of some really negative things, and for some reason, I always end up thinking that everything going wrong happened because of me. When we completely ended our relationship, all these questions came rushing back to me. I tried to tell myself that he did love me and that we broke up for our own reasons I prefer not to disclose here just yet. 

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However, as I start to feel like I'm good with myself again and stop letting my insecurities get the best of me, everything started to come rushing back. A few months after my break-up, some old feelings for an old friend that I've known forever came back. Now, these feelings have been there for him for as long as I can remember, but it's one of those things where timing was never on our side, so it was never really put out there. Since I've known this friend for so long, I decided to tell him, and of course, it resulted with a rejection. I completely understand why he didn't reciprocated because he's been through quite a bit and we have polar opposite view points on life and relationship. Being typical me, I smiled and let things be as they were. When we run into each other, a mutual hello and a smile ensues, I kept things between him and I as normal as ever. It's been about a month or so since I told my friend my feelings for him and was rejected. Even though I understand his reasons for not reciprocating and appreciate that he can actually tell me why, it is still hard to hear that you're not wanted, especially as a girl with all the insecurities in the world. As a side note, this is not the first time I've been told "no" by a crush who is also a good friend. Since they're my good friends, it makes it that much harder because they know me so much better than just any random guy. Because they know me as a person, my character, how I am and the way I act, the only reason I can think of for not being wanted is my physical appearance. Of course, everyone wants to have the good looking girl on their arm, the hottie-patottie as a girlfriend, and since I keep on getting rejected, I feel like there is something wrong with my appearance. 

I am still finding ways to protect myself and build my self-esteem. I eventually want to be completely happy with myself again and find someone who appreciates me for all that I am to share my adventurous fun side with. I know they say you have to love yourself first, and so I know I need to work on my own view of myself but it's hard to feel like I'm constantly being put down by certain people around me as I try to improve myself. In a way, me building my self-esteem again is like a recovering/healing period for me, and I just really want someone to be there with me. I know I have all my friends around me that can be the people who can help me, but it is different with you have the support of a significant other. I appreciate all my friends for the support and love they give me, but still, whenever I had trouble and my ex was there, it was a different kind of support that makes me feel kind of invincible. I think that all comes from the idea that he could have had anyone in the world to love and care for and he chose, so his love and support made me feel that much stronger. I want to eventually find a person who can make me feel invincible again and in return, I will do everything in my power to make them feel happy and loved and cared for and as happy as can be. 

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For now though, I have to make peace with myself first. I'm not quite sure how I will do that just yet besides making different lifestyle choices to improve on myself physically. As we all know, our body is our temple, we need to take care of it and respect it. I need to find a medium ground where I take in all these criticisms but don't use it against myself. I want to find a balance to where I take the critiques as something to feed my motivation instead of letting it tear me down. Hopefully, the next time I have these emotional breakdowns, it is because I've realized how amazing I am (not to sound conceited or anything).

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Thank you for all your support just by reading this post,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen