Q&A a Day #2: Lesson Learned

Hello fellow interweb friends!

For this Q&A-a-Day post, being that it's right after Tet/Lunar's New Year/Chinese New Year (whatever you may call it), I wanted to share something that is a bit more self-reflecting. It will be a combination of two questions since I did miss a question last week. 

The first question is: 

"What makes 'you' you?"

My response to that, word for word, is my out-going and very trusting personality, with a touch of vibrant language and clothing choices. Of course I had to add the last bit in there because if you can't tell, I love anything vibrant and alive. As for the first part, with a bit more seriousness, I do believe I have a very trusting personality, too trusting to a fault. My policy for myself is that everyone deserves to be trusted, unless proven otherwise. No one should be questioned by their first impression since it is just not fair to them.

With that said, it brings me to the next question,

"On a scale of one to ten, how sad are you? Why?"

To this, I responded I'm about a 6.5, with 10 being the saddest that I can be. It has been a while since I've felt so betrayed and taken advantage of. Based on the last question, I gave my trust to a friend, who ended up taken advantage of that and ultimately really hurt my feelings. I won't say that it's just this person's fault since it is also partially mine for not question them one bit. However, it makes me sad that someone I trust can just pull the rug right under me like that. With that said, I definitely have a tougher guard against people now, which, to me, is unfortunate because I believe we should give people the benefit of the doubt and give them some trust.

Moral of the story is, I have learned my lesson and know that I will definitely not trust people as easily as I used to. That may be hard for me to get used to since I can be way too optimistic and may not be able to keep  my trust-o-meter in check. Hopefully, my trust won't be taken advantage of again and maybe my trust in humanity may be proven right again one day, but for now, I can honestly say I will be a bit more hesitant when it comes to giving out my trust, even if the person may seem like the most up-right person I'll ever meet.

Until next time,

Uyen

Weekly Wrap-Up #5: Birthday Shenanigans

Hello fellow interweb friends!

So for this week, the Weekly Wrap-Up will be a little longer and a tad bit more exciting just because it was my birthday week! It has been such an amazing week and I am so grateful to all of my friends and family that took their time out of their busy lives to celebrate it with me. I am now officially 22, which means I can blame all my bad decisions onto Taylor Swift since she has a song about doing weird things during your 22nd year of life! My birthday was on Wednesday, but since it was smack dabbed in the middle of the week and we all have things to do like work and school, so the celebration ended up being extended all the way to the weekend, which I'm totally not complaining at all because that's just a lot more food and fun with the most amazing people in the world!

Ok, so first thing's first, you cannot have an amazing birthday without an amazing cake! So this here is a cake from Final Touch Bakery, which is a Vietnamese-French "fusion" kind of place. It is vanilla cake with strawberry filling and custard-like spread between the cake layers. It is definitely my favorite kind of cake and so I was super stoked when I found out I got the strawberry cake. The decorations are definitely super amazing! It is just very simple but still detailed and elegant. The decor around the cake is a minty-green color and the flowers were a blushy-nude color. My cousin got the cake for me and she said that she felt it was perfect for me, which I feel like is the theme for my birthday this year!

On the actual night of my birthday, I went to Incahoots, a country club/bar in Fullerton! This was my first time so I felt a little out of place when I couldn't do any of the line dancing moves, but I was ok with that! I had so much fun trying to catch up to everyone's moves that I think I started tripping over myself at one point too. A lot of my friends couldn't come because it was kind of last minute and they all had plans, but these two beauties, Laura and Megan came with me! SO the cool thing about these two is that we met each other at Build-a-Bear, were we work, and got to be pretty darn good friends. Laura and I haven't seen each other in about a year, but we picked up as if we've seen each other almost everyday; I appreciate friendships like that very much just because you know they'll be there for you whenever you need them. Anyways, Incahoots was an interesting experience since it was my first time. I didn't know any of the moves, so I didn't really dance, but since I did know most of the songs, I just sang karaoke all night long. I'd definitely go back again, even if I can't dance whatsoever just because it is such a fun/up-beat place that just makes me feel happy.

Friday was pretty much when the festivities commenced. All my friends came out to Downtown Brea - Birch Street and we had dinner at YardHouse. YardHouse is pretty much one of my favorite restaurants to go to and they have pretty darn good happy hour, so we made it a point to come there before happy hour ended so we can have a little bit of adulthood fun because another one of my friends, Jenna, just turned 21 as well. Side note, this dinner was not just for my birthday; it was a joint birthday bash for me, Jenna, and another one of my friend CC who also turned 22 just like me! SO back to the dinner, we went to YardHouse, and as you can see, Laura was there again! I love this girl; she lives pretty far from where we were, so for her to drive out just to spend a little time with me is super special. Anyways, Friday night was so much fun! We ate, drank, walked around, sniffed candles, and ate some more. We had macaroons and then went to Rite Aid to get some Thrifty ice cream - the best $2 that I've spent in a long time. All I have to say is I have some super amazing and special friends who are always there for me and I am so grateful to have them in my life, and the best party is, I met some of the bestest friends from work and then one of them, I've known since the sixth grade!

Then comes all of the gifts that I got! Let me tell you, I got super spoiled this year because all these gifts are so fricken nice! So first off, it's the Dior Creme de Rose lip balm, which I've already told you about a few posts ago. Then I got a few jewelry pieces and a super cute dress. So here's the thing, when I got my presents, all my friends told me that they felt like these items were just screaming out my name, so they had to get it for me. I was quite flattered and surprised when they said that just because I thought I'm a very confusing person and like pretty much anything, which can make it a little hard to shop for, but apparently, my likes and style is pretty darn distinctive! I was definitely a very spoiled little girl when it comes to gifts this year and I have already used pretty much all of them because I just couldn't help myself! I am one of those super bad people who just wants to open their gifts right away and go crazy over all my gifts; I guess you can say I am very easily excited, but it's fun being excited when you open gifts though. 

So of course, I also splurged on myself a little bit this year and got my self 2 pieces from Baublebar! I got a super good deal on them because I had a $10 coupon from joining and then another $25 off for something else that I can't remember. So I used both of those and got myself these two necklaces and only paid $23 for them! The cool thing about Baublebar is shipping is free and it's tax free, which is a treat just because everything is so highly taxed in California! So I already used the ivory/gold sun-ray necklace because it matches so flippen well with my pink dress that I wore on my birthday! I felt like a super cool princess and super pretty too! I will definitely splurge on Baublebar jewelry once in a while because they are fairly priced and really good quality. Not to mention, the packaging is amazig because you get a velvet pouch to keep it in, making sure it's nicely cushioned and nothing bad, like scratches, happen to it. Then, over the weekend, I bought myself a travel sized Caudalie beauty elixir. It is a setting spray for your make-up, but I also like to use it just to keep my skin nice and moisturized. I mainly got it to use it on the 18-hour plane ride to Vietnam this summer, which I am super excited for - I will definitely be blogging about my trip so you guys get to enjoy the beachy/summery scenery that is there too! 

If you guys like these necklaces, there are even more pretty ones on Baublebar's website too! I will leave you with the link and an invite code if you want to go check them out: https://www.baublebar.com/rewardsref/index/refer/id/239903/! Go get yourself something beautiful and there are always amazing deals on Mondays and Fridays!

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

I'm Just a Facade

Hello fellow interweb friends,

Disclaimer!!! This is a very long post about me and my insecurities. It's a heavier (no pun intended), more emotional post.

In my first post, I gave you a little hint into who I am and things I love and enjoy but didn't really let you know who I am. From what you can see in the last few posts, I am a pretty upbeat, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. However, that obviously is not the case. I try my best to stay happy and positive just to put my mind in a better place as well as keep those around me from worrying since I can cry very easily if I let my mind get the best of me. I guess I do a very good job at this because sometimes even I believe I am happy myself and if you ask any one of my friends, they probably can't tell you the last time they've seen me sad or cried unless they are one of my very, very close girlfriends who I tell everything to (and there are very few of those). Unfortunately though, as I was studying for my exams this coming week, I had a break down moment and I think a lot of that is because I don't open up about my feelings a lot, and so I kind of imploded. I know I have amazing friends that I can talk to about anything and everything, however, this is something that, whenever I think about it, I just start crying because I think the problem is so deep-rooted in me. I have many, many insecurities, from physical to emotional ones, and the past few months have definitely highlighted them all and they keep coming back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to not pay attention to it. 

Source

First off, as a girl, I am super insecure about my physical appearance. To start of, I know I am not a huge girl, but after being reminded so many times that I am fat and big and not attractive, of course I will have problems with my body image. I've always been insecure about my body just because I don't fit your typical petite, thin Asian frame. I get reminded of that all the time since many people in my family and family friends cannot understand that my body is just different from your typical Asian body physique. On top of being reminded of how my body isn't as small as it should it, it's even harder when it comes to finding clothes. I feel like I have to find things to cover up my oh-so-big body cause I don't want people to notice my thicker areas and what not. I've dieted with various kinds of meal supplements. Lately, I've been eating healthier, juicing, and everything else when it comes to dietary fads under the sun. On top of changing my eating habits, I even started working out, but I don't know why, nothing is changing. My body is still as big as it always has been. I know I am probably smaller than others, but when I'm constantly being told and questioned about my size, I definitely will also end up looking back at myself in a negative light.

The negative body image costs me my emotional security too. I've always had a very hard time when it comes to my emotions and feelings when it comes to boys/guys. Because of my body image, when I get denied by someone I have feelings for, my immediate response to myself is that I'm probably too fat for him, not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not fun enough, just everything negative that I can think about myself as to why someone wouldn't be interested in me. I finally thought I got over these insecurities when I got into a relationship with my recent ex-boyfriend. I thought I totally found someone who loves me for me and my size and everything that I am. Our relationship was amazing until things started going downhill. Him and I were together for five years, most of it was long distance because his own personal reason that I do not want to disclose to you since that's his life and I don't want to be disrespectful and talk about it on my blog without him knowing.

Source

Recently though, after 5 years, we decided to go separate ways. Problems started coming up around the last year or so because that was when he started to be "busy" a lot and spent less and less time with me; sometimes, we wouldn't really talk or Skype with each other for a week or so. Since our relationship was long distance, to me, even a small text or a short Skype session made all the difference in the world because I loved my time with him and just hearing his voice calms me from all the troubles going on in my life while he's away. So anyways, my insecurities came up again when I started noticing that he's being more distant with his "busy" life. I started to think: "is he bored of me now?", "what did I do that's making him not wanting to talk to me?", it even came to thoughts like "is he no longer attracted to me so he is slowly walking away from our relationship?". It got to the point where I thought of some really negative things, and for some reason, I always end up thinking that everything going wrong happened because of me. When we completely ended our relationship, all these questions came rushing back to me. I tried to tell myself that he did love me and that we broke up for our own reasons I prefer not to disclose here just yet. 

Source

However, as I start to feel like I'm good with myself again and stop letting my insecurities get the best of me, everything started to come rushing back. A few months after my break-up, some old feelings for an old friend that I've known forever came back. Now, these feelings have been there for him for as long as I can remember, but it's one of those things where timing was never on our side, so it was never really put out there. Since I've known this friend for so long, I decided to tell him, and of course, it resulted with a rejection. I completely understand why he didn't reciprocated because he's been through quite a bit and we have polar opposite view points on life and relationship. Being typical me, I smiled and let things be as they were. When we run into each other, a mutual hello and a smile ensues, I kept things between him and I as normal as ever. It's been about a month or so since I told my friend my feelings for him and was rejected. Even though I understand his reasons for not reciprocating and appreciate that he can actually tell me why, it is still hard to hear that you're not wanted, especially as a girl with all the insecurities in the world. As a side note, this is not the first time I've been told "no" by a crush who is also a good friend. Since they're my good friends, it makes it that much harder because they know me so much better than just any random guy. Because they know me as a person, my character, how I am and the way I act, the only reason I can think of for not being wanted is my physical appearance. Of course, everyone wants to have the good looking girl on their arm, the hottie-patottie as a girlfriend, and since I keep on getting rejected, I feel like there is something wrong with my appearance. 

I am still finding ways to protect myself and build my self-esteem. I eventually want to be completely happy with myself again and find someone who appreciates me for all that I am to share my adventurous fun side with. I know they say you have to love yourself first, and so I know I need to work on my own view of myself but it's hard to feel like I'm constantly being put down by certain people around me as I try to improve myself. In a way, me building my self-esteem again is like a recovering/healing period for me, and I just really want someone to be there with me. I know I have all my friends around me that can be the people who can help me, but it is different with you have the support of a significant other. I appreciate all my friends for the support and love they give me, but still, whenever I had trouble and my ex was there, it was a different kind of support that makes me feel kind of invincible. I think that all comes from the idea that he could have had anyone in the world to love and care for and he chose, so his love and support made me feel that much stronger. I want to eventually find a person who can make me feel invincible again and in return, I will do everything in my power to make them feel happy and loved and cared for and as happy as can be. 

Source

For now though, I have to make peace with myself first. I'm not quite sure how I will do that just yet besides making different lifestyle choices to improve on myself physically. As we all know, our body is our temple, we need to take care of it and respect it. I need to find a medium ground where I take in all these criticisms but don't use it against myself. I want to find a balance to where I take the critiques as something to feed my motivation instead of letting it tear me down. Hopefully, the next time I have these emotional breakdowns, it is because I've realized how amazing I am (not to sound conceited or anything).

Source

Thank you for all your support just by reading this post,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

Happy National Elizabeth Baker Day!

Hello fellow interweb friends!

DISCLAIMER!!!: This is a longer blog because I want to dedicate it to my best friend and sister, Elizabeth Baker for her birthday. She is one of the most important people in my life and I thought I'd let you guys enjoy the amazing friendship/relationship that we've built together as we grow together. This is not the bestest story you can ever read since there's not much "character development" or "storyline," but to me, our story is still developing and so are we, so this will be a story that never ends!

I would like to tell you a little story about my very special whose birthday is today!

Once upon a time, more like 8 years ago, there were two little awkward high school freshmen girls named Winnie-Win and Lizzle. They had most of their classes together and they managed to be one of the few that took English at 7 in the morning (instead of 8 like other school children). This English class was supposedly taught by a very strict and harsh English teacher, however, as the girls looked back,they thought she was actually very nice and isn't bad at all! So anyways, freshmen year progresses, they were assigned a project to do together, and that was the first time they actually got to talk to each other and become friends!

As high school goes on, they got closer and closer, pretty much inseparable. Winnie-Win and Lizzle got through all the late nights and stressful early mornings (since they never learned their lesson freshmen year and continued to take zero period classes all four years of high school). They even managed to get through multiple sessions of summer school as well as a whole summer volunteering at the Discovery Science Center. It was during the summer they volunteered that Winnie-Win and Lizzle realized how close of friends they have become, all thanks to a little boy named Kyle telling them that they are like systems, despite the fact that the two girls are completely different in looks! Anyways, to Winnie-Win, Lizzle is the first and only best friend that she's had since her childhood friend had moved out of state after graduating from the sixth grade. To hear that their friendship is more like a sisterly relationship, Winnie-Win was pretty stoked!

Senior year comes, high school is about to end and Lizzle and Winnie-Win will soon be separated because they must grow up and go to college. Though the thought of going to different schools completely saddens them, they enjoyed every bit of summer they had together. The best parts of their summer were when the two girls acted super rebellious and decided to go use different hotels' swimming pools for fun! They lounged around, while Winnie-Win was getting tanned, Lizzle was burning up like a lobster, but still, with a few reminders to put on some more sunscreen and use ones with higher SPF, the girls managed to last for hours at these sun-stricken pools!

Summer comes to an end, girls go off to their separate colleges, but whenever they meet up,it is as if they were still in high school and no time has passed at all. They enjoyed their quaint but exciting food adventures and of course more days at the pools while they burn together!

Four years have passed, and Lizzle is about to graduate from college. Winnie-Win cannot be proud and excited enough for Lizzle. Today, April 19, is Lizzle's birthday! Sadly, Winnie-Win cannot be there to celebrate the actual day of her best friend's/sister's/(every other thing that is amazing and great) birthday, but for sure, the girls will be making up for it the next time they meet up!

So pretty much, that brings us to present day-real life! After 8 years, those two freshmen girls are still pretty darn awkward but super proud of it! But hey, my philosophy is great friendship are built on the two being able to be super weird and awkward around each other.

Back to the more important part of this, I am so excited to be able to tell this amazing story about how I met one of the most important people of my life. Lizzle, or as I'd like to sometimes call her, Elizabeth Donna Baker, I wish y have the most amazing day/year with only better and brighter days and years to come. I feel like we're an old couple who is going to grow old and grey together as we watch each others' teeth fall out! But it is ok because as you know,I will always have toothbrushes in my bags so we can protect our teeth and hopefully keep them in for a little longer! I love you my Lizzle and I cannot wait to celebrate with you!

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen 

(story to be continued...with all the celebratory events!)