Sephora Mini Haul

Hello fellow interweb friends!

As you can tell by the title, I kind of did a little haul at Sephora this week! Now, just a disclaimer, I only bought all this because I had an employee discount there this week because I work at the Build-a-Bear Workshop in Downtown Disney by Disneyland. It wasn't entirely an employee discount, more of a "cast member" discount that Sephora does for us people who work on Disney property twice a year; the discount wasn't much but 20% is pretty big when it comes to make-up products, especially the ones that I bought today. As all you girls know, high-end make-up products never really go on sale or get discounted at mall counters and if there are discounts, it's usually if you have some kind of membership, whether it be a credit card or reward card (VIB for Sephora) and more often than not, the discount is only like 15% or a free sample size item with purchase. In other words, 20% is like HUGE when it comes to these things, so I had to take advantage of it and get myself ready for summer, especially since I will be vacationing with my family this summer in Vietnam. 

So, first thing I picked up is the Laura Mercier Oil Free Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 20 in the color beige. I personally love tinted moisturizer, but since I have combination skin, leaning a little towards oily, I had to get the oil free one just to prevent myself from getting any potential break outs. To me, tinted moisturizer is perfect for spring/summer time make up - it's a staple product for me during spring and summer time just because I use as minimal make up as I can so I don't clog my skin but still protecting it at the same time from sun damage. So anyways, tinted moisturizer with SPF not only makes you look good without too much effort while protecting your skin, it is perfect when you want to get ready fast. For instance, during the day time, you can quickly dab it on and use a brush or blender to blend it into your face, put on some mascara, a little bit of colored lip balm, set it all together with some setting powder (in my case, I use the mineral veil from Bare Minerals), and BAM you have a semi-fully made up face withouth the hassle of putting on five different layers. Now, that's my preferred face routine for the summer when I just want to have minimal coverage, which is pretty much all the time. However, when I do want a little bit more full coverage, then I'll put on the tinted moisturizer and then quickly brush over some powder foundation. This will give you a little more coverage and then you can also add on some bronzer and blush to get a fully made-up face with all the other goodies like mascara and lipstick/gloss/stain. 

Now of couse, it is always important for me to use some kind of a primer underneath just ecause, like I mentioned earlier, my skin can get pretty oily. The primer that I got is the Becca Ever-Matte Poreless Priming Protector. This product took me a while to decide on just because it is a little bit more expensive, but I've only heard of super good reviews from various YouTube beauty gurus. At first, I was going to get my all-time favorite Bare Mineral Prime Time Oil Control primer since it's been working wonderfully for my skin, but I saw the Becca primer so I decided to try/squatch it on my hand and let it set for a while and then compared the two. The Becca one, just as its name says, gave a super matte finish without making my skin look dry or fake whereas the Bare Minerals one, though is good, didn't give as fine of a matte finish. Just because the end product of the Becca primer was better and since I have oily skin, I decided to fork out the money and get it instead of my Prime Time one. When I got home, I decided to take it out and try it with my Laura Mercier tinted mositurizer, did my usual make-up routine to try it out with my other face products to make sure the Becca primer is just as wonderful as it seems. Wow, I was pretty impressed by it once I put it on because I did not see any traces of oil on face til like maybe 5-6 hours after, and even at that point, the oils were super minimal. Not only did I noticed the difference, but my mom also noticed it too! So pretty much, though the Becca primer is more expensive, the product payoff was definitely worth it, especially since I also had a discount on it. Now, since I know it keeps my skin looking matte but still natural, I will use it a little more freely around the more oily areas of my face like the t-zones, nose, and chin. I only say this cause I used it very frugally my first time around since I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out.

So, besides those two face products, I also got a new tube of mascara, and as you can tell from the picture, it is the Laura Mercier Full Blown Volume Lash Building Mascara. Now, I am a huge mascara junky, so I've pretty much tried a variety of mascaras just to see how well they work and these have definitely been my favorite. I originally got a sample size of a Laura Mercier mascara, I can't remember which one to be exact, in my 500 VIB Perks Point from Sephora. I completely fell in love with it because it lengthened, volumized, but still kept my lashes looking natural! To me, that is huge because a lot of the ones that volumize and lengthen tend to make your lasshes look clumpy and flake off a lot, but these ones did not! Since I loved the sample sized mascara so much from Laura Mercier, I decided to get a full sized one and tried the Full Blown Volume Lash one and WOW, this one completely blew me up and I fell in love! Before, I was using an Lancome one and those are super expensive but didn't keep my lashes as natural looking, so I totally thought I hit the jackpot with this Laura Mercier one. So to pretty much summarize my excitement and love and ethusiasm for this mascara, I just got a second tube of it! To me, when I re-purchase make-up items that are a little bit more expensive means I completely and uterrly love it and cannot live with out, and that's the case with this product. 

The other product that I got is the Lancome Rouge In Love lipcolor in the shade 353. This one one is actually for my mom, but since I do love this particular lipcolor line from Lancome, I thought I'd tell you a little bit about it. So last year, for my 21st birthday, I decided to buy a new lipcolor for myself so I can use in Vegas. My birthday is in May and I love bright colors, so I was determined to find something along the lines of a coral-salmon-pinky-orange color and the only one that I fell in love with after multiple tries at the make-up counters is the Lancome Rouge In Love Lipcolor in the shade 322M (Corail In Love). These lipcolors are just amazing because they are super pigmented, moisturizing, and long-lasting! Now, if you've tried many different long-lasting lipstick/stain/gloss/etc., you guys all know, most of the time, they do not stay as hydrating as they proclaim themselves to be, but MY OH MY, these ones really do stay hydrating for a long time compared to most! Like I mentioned before, I got this for my birthday and Vegas, so I used it on my second night in Vegas to go to a night club and pretty much every other time I went out, night or day. So pretty much what I want to tell you is that after many meals, multiple drinks, sweaty clubs, typical Vegas happenings, my lipcolor still stayed on without making my lips dry and show off every nasty ridges on your lips when they are dried. Now, if you're like me and you like bright colors, you know those are the worst to have on your lips when they look dry just because it makes the lipcolor seem cheap and badly made and you just look bad in general, so for the Lancome Rouge In Love lipcolors to not do that, I think it is definitely worth the money and a must have if you want to find a good lipstick that can keep your lips looking hydrated and nicely colored. Another good thing about this line is that there are many shades, maybe over ten different shades, from nude to bright red. The shade my mom got, 353, is a slightly nude/pinkish color. It is very flattering for all ages and can be used in every season of the year, which makes it super versatile as well, so I might go back and get one for myself, but for now, I'll just "borrow" hers!

And one more thing, if you shop at Sephora and you have not signed up for the Beauty Insider membership, you need to go do it right away! There are so many perks of being a Beauty Insider because for your birthday, you get a nifty little gift! For this year, Sephora is giving away a little Benefit package and inside of it, there's a "They're Real" mascara (which I'm excited to try because the brush/applicator looks amazing and I have a feeling it will get into each and every last). And the other little trinket is the "Watt's Up" highlighter. Based on the item description, it is a soft-focus highlighter. I've never used a highlighter before so I'm kind of excited to try out this little one!

Hope you enjoyed this,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen 

Foodie Tues-dee #3

Hello fellow interweb friends!

For this week's Foodie Tues-dee, I thought I'd tell you about my first experience at Wing Stop! Very simply put, I LOVE WING STOP! It is the first place that makes wings KRISPY AND SAUCY without being soggy! Don't get me wrong, all the other places like Buffalo Wild Wings serves some really good wings, but for some reason, Wing Stop wings are just better because they manage to keep the krispy and crunciness of the fried chicken even though it's drenched in the sauce. 

So for my first time, I decided to try out both a hot sauce and a not so hot one. I ordered the 6 piece meal and got 3 original hot wings and 3 garlic parmesan with a side order of fries. I went through those wings like no other cause, well I love anything fried and chicken related. Both were really good, the only thing I'd suggest them doing is make the garlic parmesan a little more flavorful cause I couldn't really tell there was much garlic or parmesan in the season, but regardless, it still tasted delicious! As for the original hot, it's not super hot, which is completely fine with me and of course also tasted great! The one thing that I found out was a really good mix is their original hot sauce mixed with a little ranch and drizzled or can be used as a dip for the fries! Since the fries do have somewhat of a sweet taste to it, adding the hot sauce to the ranch gave the fries an extra kick, a little more flavor. My friend who was also there with me since we went there for lunch decided to try my special fries sauce/dip and she loved it too!

All in all, I think my first time at Wing Stop is pretty darn amazing and I can definitely say that I will be going back very soon!

 

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen 

Weekly Wrap-Up #2

Hello fellow interweb friends!

Hey guys, sorry for the super duper late Weekly Wrap-Up, but nonetheless, here it is! So this will be a wrap up of everything fun that's happened since I posted up the last Weekly Wrap-Up, which means it's like 2 weeks of my life - hoping it will seem as wonderful and fun to you guys as it was for me! I won't be writing anything about all the tests that I had to take, causing me to take a hiatus from my blog since it was super depressing and sad, but now onto the fun parts!

To start this off, we'll start with Saturday, April 20 (holy smokes and now we're already in May...I'm a horrible blogger at this point)! So that Saturday, my beloved sister/best friend, Elizabeth Baker, went out to dinner/dessert/late birthday celebration at BJ's in Brea. If you guys don't know who this is, check out this cheeky little most HERE! So to summarize, since we couldn't get together for her actual birthday, we decided to go out on Saturday for a little snacking, but that turned into a full on meal and dessert before we even knew it! Originally, Liz said she wasn't going to eat much since her mom made something for their family that night, however, the minute the two of us our together and food is involved, we kind of just go out of control! As for what we got, unfortunately, since I just got off of work before we went, the minute our foods got out, I kind of just devoured it before even thinking of taking a picture of it for blogging purposes (again, I'm still a horrible new blogger right now but will improve with time). Thank goodness I got my act together and got a picture of the birthday girl with our dessert! So as you can tell, we got the trio bizookie platter and my oh my, it is heaven on earth on a silver plate! Since we both have the biggest sweet tooth(s)/teeth in the world, we decided to go with the triple fudge, cookies and cream, and white chocolate macadamia flavors. O dear, let me tell you, the minute that thing came out, we went straight for our forks and digged in! Thank goodness I had some kind of self control and got out Liz's phone (since my phone was being a jerk and wouldn't take a picture) and took a picture of her and all the heavenly goodness before we devoured everything!

Then during the week at school, 2 big events were going on. The first one was Alcohol Awareness Week and the second one was Gamma Phi Beta's annual video game tournament and philanthropy Crescent Classic. Now, Crescent Classic week has always been super fun for me since I started college; before, I was a little more involved in it but now I'm just supporting in other ways! The philanthropy event is to raise money to help empower young girls, help underprivileged kids, as well as provide support for families dealing with cancer. The ladies of Gamma Phi Beta are amazing when it comes to their philanthropies and it is just such a lively week at school that I couldn't help myself and so decided to purchase a hot pink snapback hat as a way of supporting the cause! Throughout the week, they had fundraisers at Cold Stone, Blaze Pizza, and of course, selling apparels to fund raise for the various organizations. If you are at a campus where there's a Gamma Phi Beta chapter, do check out their Crescent Classic week; though they don't all donate to the same organizations on a local level and may not have the same events/tournaments, the ladies of Gamma Phi across the country's main purpose in their philanthropy is to help empower young girls and women as well as provide support for families who need it. There's no harm in getting to know more about various philanthropy events because it is never too late to help anyone out!

And then of course there was the day when I went to the hospital...this one was not super great but still worthy of a blog post mention! So about 3 weeks ago, maybe a little less, I started to have ridiculously excruciating back pain to the point where I couldn't stand up or sit straight; it was so bad that I couldn't work at all and had to go to the doctor. When I got to the doctor, he did a little back check and told me I have some form of scoliosis and wanted me to get x-rays just to be sure. Well, as you can tell, I went to the hospital to get those x-rays done (results are still not back yet...sad). Now let me tell you, that was the first time that I've been into the hospital, not to mention alone at 8 in the morning! So I checked in and all that good stuff and then I was handed a gown by the technician and he told me to take off all my clothes and just put the gown on. Being a girl and being the first time, I was kind of taken back when he told me to just take off my clothes! Besides gym and at home, I've never been literally naked before, especially not for some random guy! Hahaha, I understand it's part of his job but still, it was way too early to hear that I had to take off my clothes, especially when all I had to keep cover was this gown that is like ten sizes too big for me! So that gown, not the most attractive thing in the world either! With that said, I'd also like to add, to make your hospital look a little less horrible, always wear a nice pair of flats to balance out the ridiculousness of the hospital gown! So that morning lasted about 3 hours and it was the most awkward 3 hours of my life because not only was I naked, I was standing up against a wall as he ran this machine down my spine and adjusting my hip area just to make sure my tailbone area was in range with the x-ray machine. Pretty much, hospitals aren't fun, super awkward, horribly dressed, so just make sure to be prepared and wear some good shoes to off-balance everything else that's not as great.

However, later that week, things got much better! So on Sunday, despite the fact that I'm kind of super poor right now, I did a little retail therapy! As you may all know, I love me a good sale, especially when it comes to good quality clothes that I know I will wear for a while! Even though these two are only t-shirts, the material they're made of is just amazing and well the patterns just made it that much more wonderful! The first shirt is the Madewell shirt that I've taken a little picture on the side here. It was already on sale and when I got to the counter, I got an extra 25% off with my student discount, which was another 15% so it ended up being really good! The detailing/pattern is what really got me. It's got a semi tropical-like with a little bit of feathers on it and the neckline is a mix between a v-neck and a scoop. Since I'm a big chested girl, I was a little hesitant about the neckline, but after trying it on, I thought it was just perfect! And on top of the perfect neckline and pattern, the cut/fit of the shirt is wonderful and super flattering! It's one of those t-shirts that is a little flowy at the bottom and comes in around your waistline to give you a small-looking waist.

And then of course I had to stop by J.Crew, the more sophisticated version of Madewell since they are of the same company. So if you all have been into J.Crew then you know how expensive their things are but also how wonderful their sales are! So this shirt I pictured was on sale and then I got another 25% off on top of the sale price! Usually, it's an additional 30% but hey, any kind of discount on top of a discount is amazing to me and I kind of fell in love with the shirt even though it's only a simple t-shirt. So pretty much, as you can tell, the shirt is your traditional t-shirt with a round neckline and some printing on it, but look at the pattern and the color of the pattern! The minute I saw the shirt, I knew exactly how I wanted to style it and it is just one of those classic clothing item that you can pair with anything and just look amazing in. Besides the shirt, I also got a small little wrap bracelet with sparkling, shiny details to it! When I picked up the shirt and bracelet, I knew that I wanted to wear the two together with a cute pair of denim shorts, maybe with the cuffs rolled up. It is just a perfect spring/summer item just because it looks fresh, vibrant, and amazing! The bracelet adds a little bit of a girliness with an edge since it's pink and rhinestones wrapped around a leather band!

So if you can't tell, shopping makes me really happy and so does eating since those were the most exciting thing about my week that you missed out on!

More to come soon,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen 

Happy 50th Birthday Mummy!

Hello fellow interweb friends!

So exactly a week ago, it was my mom's 50th birthday! Dude, that is like 5 decades, that is a lot of time but hey, she still be looking good! I know this is like a week late but still, I wanted to dedicate a post on my blog to my mom, my inspiration, my role model, my rock, and everything that is the most important to me in the world. I am super duper grateful that I have someone like her to call my mom and to look up to. She is the most selfless and caring person you can meet; as my dad would sometimes say, she has way too much fun helping people who need her. Not only that, she has sacrificed so much for both my brother and I. Instead of being out there working like other moms, my mom tries to work from home just so she can spend time with my brother and I and make sure we are safe to and from school and well-fed. There is no one that I think can be a better mom as well as a member of the community like my mom and, even though I deny it sometimes, when I grow up, I do want to be somewhat like her, not exactly but just some, especially the aging part!

Now, let's get down to how we like to celebrate birthdays within our family! Since our family is small with only four people, we usually don't make it a huge thing, especially when it's mine or my parents' just because we're not the wealthiest of families to do big parties and such, so we love to go out and eat as a family! On the day of my mom's birthday, we went out to dinner to this little Chinese restaurant place near my house called King Harbor Seafood. As you can see, we went a little crazy when ordering food but it's ok since everyone in my family loves to eat! When you hear Chinese food, you'd probably think it is greasy and nasty, but this place isn't too bad! We ordered this fried chicken (cause you all know by now, I love chicken and so does my family) and it came out super krispy but not one bit oily and gross whatsoever! So that dinner was amazing and I think our entire family was in a food coma for like the entire night and the next morning as well. We may not be partying hard but we can sure eat our little hearts out!

Final Touch Bakery

And then of course, every birthday cannot be complete with a birthday cake! So every time we have a birthday, my aunt and cousin will always bring us a cake. For my mom's birthday, my aunt brought the one cake with the flowers, and may I add, these are fresh flowers used to decorate the cake, making it look super pretty! So for that cake, it was just white cake with and I want to say some kind of vanilla cream-like icing and frosting on and inside between the layers of the cake. Besides the frosting between the cake layers, there's fresh fruits! This one was a mixed fruit cake so it had strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and black berries. As for the second cake with the really detailed icing technique, this one was also white cake but had passionfruit icing between the cake layers mixed with raspberries. This one is a little bit tangier, different kind of taste than what you'd think cake is suppose to be but still pretty delicious! So if you know anything about my family, we love cake, so these two cakes, not small at all, were devoured in a matter of days! If you ever are in Orange County, specifically Westminster/Little Saigon area, do check out this bakery; the place is called Final Touch Bakery (I will also link the bakery below in the picture's caption). I'm sure they have locations in other places too but I've only seen one, so I will post their link if you guys are interested in checking it out. Cake is super duper important for all kinds of occasion and well nothing beats a pretty and delicious cake! Since it is kind of a Vietnamese-French fusion kind of bakery, if you get a chance to try it, you will find that the flavoring is not super decadent so you don't get that sick, icky feeling you can get after indulging in a piece of cake that is too overly sweet. It is the perfect blend between butteriness, sweetness, and a slight of tart if you want to add on the fruits!

That's it for now,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

Foodie Tues-dee #2

Hello fellow interweb friends!

So today is Tuesday, which means it is also Foodie Tues-dee, which also means I get to tell you about some of my favorite foods!!! Lately I've been trying really hard to stay healthy, but my body will definitely get some cravings, and as we all know, it is better to satisfy a craving than to completely ignore it and then end up over-indulging, which is worse. My latest craving is just general pub food, but not any kind of pub foods! I have been craving foods specifically from the Anthill Pub & Grille, which is a nice, quaint, little pub on campus at the University of California, Irvine, which is also the school I am currently going to. The Pub not only has amazing foods but also a good beer selection and an amazing ambiance! Its nice and small, very well conditioned, so it's the perfect place to go hide out and pig out on a hot day in between classes!

One of the most infamous food you can order when you're at the Pub is the stoner fries! These things are flippin delicious, worth all the bang for your buck, but just ever so slightly not nutritious. The fries are seasoned very similarly to cajun fries and its topped with guacamole, salsa, sour cream, cheese, and a little bit of meat. It is just heaven in your mouth, definitely worth the heart attack if you eat these too much, so I don't suggest you to eat it everyday since it's probably better to live longer so you can enjoy more stoner fries! These are perfect with a beer and some good company. I usually try my hardest to minimize eating these stoner fries so sometimes I would cheat and just order regular fries. For some reason, the Pub just makes some gosh darn super good fries that I cannot walk away from! I remember, one quarter, my friend and I were pretty much at the Pub and we literally ordered every kind of fried potatoes served at the Pub; that is pretty much an order of stoner fries, regular fries, tater totes, and all in all, a walking heart attack. Now though, since I'm a tad bit more health-conscious, I decided to limit my Pub's fried potatoes consumption to pretty much none at all, but still, sometimes,  a girl's just got to indulge, especially around midterms and finals where I become overly stressed and food is my way to relax!

Now, besides all the fries and stoner fries, the Pub also has amazing sandwiches! My all time favorite is the pesto chicken with fries instead of chips. You will soon know that I love, like LOVE, chicken and I also love pesto, so putting the two together is just like heaven for me! On top of that, the side of fries and a slice of pickle just made this the bestest lunch I've had in a while! The reason why I kind of gave in and went to the Pub is because, literally, I had a dream that all my classes were at the Pub. I took that as a sign of me not going to the Pub for way too long, so while I waited for my friend to come on campus to study, I rewarded myself with this delicious little meal since I've not had it in way too long! So, usually, I'd pair this with a beer or soda, but since I am trying to be a little healthier, small steps, I decided to get a bottle of Pellegrino instead. It was just perfectly amazing and I cannot describe how happy I felt after that lunch! It was so delicious, great, wonderful, flavorful that I do not mind the fact that I just consumed a potential heart attack whatsoever!

So that's all for now,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen

Managing Manic Madness

Hello fellow interweb friends!

Well, this week is pretty much hell week for me. I've got tests hitting me left, right, and center this week. To start the week off, I had 2 tests, both were back to back, so I was already freaking out over the weekend and the day of. Then, later this week, I will have 2 more tests on the same day again. As you all may know from experience, when you have tests after tests, multiple ones on the same day, it is super duper stressful and manic and mad! So how do we survive weeks like this?!?!? What should we do?!?! Well, after four years of college, I still do not have a solution for this! If anything, my anxiety/response to these days have only gotten worse even though I've found a good coping mechanism to plan out my week so I can be a little less overwhelmed. 

So here are some of my personal tips that I think has helped me manage my mad weeks. I try my best to stick to these, but as we all know, as college students, procrastination is always the best way to deal with these kinds of hard weeks! 

Tip 1: ATTEMPT TO NOT PROCRASTINATE (Key word: attempt)!

• As crazy as that sounds, we all know it is not a good idea to procrastinate, yet we do not do it! The minute we started high school, we started to have more classes, and have multiple assignments due at one time, therefore, we start to "plan" out when we do our stuff to turn it in. At the end of the day, we always end up procrastinating, leaving things to the very last minute, where we would stress and be extremely anxious. As we go into college, since we become busier with school, work, and other wonderful things we take up as a way to relieve ourselves from school, our procrastination skills go to a whole new level! Not only do we leaving doing papers to the last minute, we leave studying to the last minute! Never have I ever seen a college student who truly, completely, fully read all their reading materials before a class unless it was on the day of a test or a quiz. I am my own culprit of the procrastination crime, except I'd like to think that I've mastered my procrastination skills, but still, it does not help me what so ever! However, it is still ok if you do procrastinate like me because my next tip makes it a little less tempting to procrastinate because the next tip will sort of entertain you and make studying feel a little easier on the eyes, literally.

Tip 2: USE COLORFUL PENS AND MARKERS!

• Just like the tip says, use loads and loads of colorful pens and markers! Now, if I have any male readers, you may say this is a girly thing to do, but it really isn't! The only part of this that would make it girly is the use of what you guys think are girly colors like pinks and purples. If that is the cases, well then I guess you guys better load up on pens and markers in various shades of blues, greens, reds, oranges, and what not! From my own personal experience, using colorful markers make studying a little less dull and it is a great way of organizing your notes and thoughts while studying. Whenever I have long articles to read and formulas to remember, I love using colorful pens and markers just because I can divide everything up into certain categories. Sometimes, when I am a little lazy, I may just assign specific class to a specific color and use the designated color(s) to take notes in. Because you take notes in different colors, your eyes will be more alert, making you automatically pay more attention to your notes compared to those who take black-inked notes on a white piece of paper. Colors really help bring life to your notes/readings while you're studying, which really helps you stay entertained and that is very important since a lot of us get bored of our studying materials and just set it aside and not really look back until we have to for a test.

Tip 3: USE A PLANNER AND COMBINE IT WITH TIP 2!

• I am quite the planner freak. I have one of those big At-A-Glance calendars on my wall in my room. I also carry around a book planner as well as a weekly paper-pad that is color-coded according to the days of the week. All three of these planners/organizers are very well used and there is not one bit of free space left on the pages. To me, planners really help me visualize what I need to do and if the events are all color-coordinated, I feel an urge to constantly look back at it cause I think it's all just so beautiful and wonderful - this here is the main reason why my blog is called "Colors Galore" because I just cannot get enough of colorful things! Just the fact that I constantly check back at my planner because it looks so gosh darn pretty makes it that much more easy for me to stay with my schedule and get shizz done!

Alrighty guys, well that was all of my tips for you just to help you guys manage your stress as well as keep your life events organized in a pretty, colorful way! We all want to get our lives organized and make sure we get things done in a timely manner, so why not do it in a fun way?!?! I know for me, I have so much fun going through my planner and calendars to put everything in and sort all the dates out, from social events, to work, to school, pretty much my whole life! Sometimes when we only use black or blue pens in a planner that already has blank ink printing on it just makes everything look so boring and gloomy, but the minute you add a little color in it, it's like your calendars/planners come to life and have a little more spunk to it, making you want to "interact" with it more, which totally helps you to stay on track and not procrastinate! 

Best of luck with all your planning,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen   

I'm Just a Facade

Hello fellow interweb friends,

Disclaimer!!! This is a very long post about me and my insecurities. It's a heavier (no pun intended), more emotional post.

In my first post, I gave you a little hint into who I am and things I love and enjoy but didn't really let you know who I am. From what you can see in the last few posts, I am a pretty upbeat, happy-go-lucky kind of girl. However, that obviously is not the case. I try my best to stay happy and positive just to put my mind in a better place as well as keep those around me from worrying since I can cry very easily if I let my mind get the best of me. I guess I do a very good job at this because sometimes even I believe I am happy myself and if you ask any one of my friends, they probably can't tell you the last time they've seen me sad or cried unless they are one of my very, very close girlfriends who I tell everything to (and there are very few of those). Unfortunately though, as I was studying for my exams this coming week, I had a break down moment and I think a lot of that is because I don't open up about my feelings a lot, and so I kind of imploded. I know I have amazing friends that I can talk to about anything and everything, however, this is something that, whenever I think about it, I just start crying because I think the problem is so deep-rooted in me. I have many, many insecurities, from physical to emotional ones, and the past few months have definitely highlighted them all and they keep coming back to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to not pay attention to it. 

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First off, as a girl, I am super insecure about my physical appearance. To start of, I know I am not a huge girl, but after being reminded so many times that I am fat and big and not attractive, of course I will have problems with my body image. I've always been insecure about my body just because I don't fit your typical petite, thin Asian frame. I get reminded of that all the time since many people in my family and family friends cannot understand that my body is just different from your typical Asian body physique. On top of being reminded of how my body isn't as small as it should it, it's even harder when it comes to finding clothes. I feel like I have to find things to cover up my oh-so-big body cause I don't want people to notice my thicker areas and what not. I've dieted with various kinds of meal supplements. Lately, I've been eating healthier, juicing, and everything else when it comes to dietary fads under the sun. On top of changing my eating habits, I even started working out, but I don't know why, nothing is changing. My body is still as big as it always has been. I know I am probably smaller than others, but when I'm constantly being told and questioned about my size, I definitely will also end up looking back at myself in a negative light.

The negative body image costs me my emotional security too. I've always had a very hard time when it comes to my emotions and feelings when it comes to boys/guys. Because of my body image, when I get denied by someone I have feelings for, my immediate response to myself is that I'm probably too fat for him, not pretty enough for him, not smart enough, not fun enough, just everything negative that I can think about myself as to why someone wouldn't be interested in me. I finally thought I got over these insecurities when I got into a relationship with my recent ex-boyfriend. I thought I totally found someone who loves me for me and my size and everything that I am. Our relationship was amazing until things started going downhill. Him and I were together for five years, most of it was long distance because his own personal reason that I do not want to disclose to you since that's his life and I don't want to be disrespectful and talk about it on my blog without him knowing.

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Recently though, after 5 years, we decided to go separate ways. Problems started coming up around the last year or so because that was when he started to be "busy" a lot and spent less and less time with me; sometimes, we wouldn't really talk or Skype with each other for a week or so. Since our relationship was long distance, to me, even a small text or a short Skype session made all the difference in the world because I loved my time with him and just hearing his voice calms me from all the troubles going on in my life while he's away. So anyways, my insecurities came up again when I started noticing that he's being more distant with his "busy" life. I started to think: "is he bored of me now?", "what did I do that's making him not wanting to talk to me?", it even came to thoughts like "is he no longer attracted to me so he is slowly walking away from our relationship?". It got to the point where I thought of some really negative things, and for some reason, I always end up thinking that everything going wrong happened because of me. When we completely ended our relationship, all these questions came rushing back to me. I tried to tell myself that he did love me and that we broke up for our own reasons I prefer not to disclose here just yet. 

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However, as I start to feel like I'm good with myself again and stop letting my insecurities get the best of me, everything started to come rushing back. A few months after my break-up, some old feelings for an old friend that I've known forever came back. Now, these feelings have been there for him for as long as I can remember, but it's one of those things where timing was never on our side, so it was never really put out there. Since I've known this friend for so long, I decided to tell him, and of course, it resulted with a rejection. I completely understand why he didn't reciprocated because he's been through quite a bit and we have polar opposite view points on life and relationship. Being typical me, I smiled and let things be as they were. When we run into each other, a mutual hello and a smile ensues, I kept things between him and I as normal as ever. It's been about a month or so since I told my friend my feelings for him and was rejected. Even though I understand his reasons for not reciprocating and appreciate that he can actually tell me why, it is still hard to hear that you're not wanted, especially as a girl with all the insecurities in the world. As a side note, this is not the first time I've been told "no" by a crush who is also a good friend. Since they're my good friends, it makes it that much harder because they know me so much better than just any random guy. Because they know me as a person, my character, how I am and the way I act, the only reason I can think of for not being wanted is my physical appearance. Of course, everyone wants to have the good looking girl on their arm, the hottie-patottie as a girlfriend, and since I keep on getting rejected, I feel like there is something wrong with my appearance. 

I am still finding ways to protect myself and build my self-esteem. I eventually want to be completely happy with myself again and find someone who appreciates me for all that I am to share my adventurous fun side with. I know they say you have to love yourself first, and so I know I need to work on my own view of myself but it's hard to feel like I'm constantly being put down by certain people around me as I try to improve myself. In a way, me building my self-esteem again is like a recovering/healing period for me, and I just really want someone to be there with me. I know I have all my friends around me that can be the people who can help me, but it is different with you have the support of a significant other. I appreciate all my friends for the support and love they give me, but still, whenever I had trouble and my ex was there, it was a different kind of support that makes me feel kind of invincible. I think that all comes from the idea that he could have had anyone in the world to love and care for and he chose, so his love and support made me feel that much stronger. I want to eventually find a person who can make me feel invincible again and in return, I will do everything in my power to make them feel happy and loved and cared for and as happy as can be. 

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For now though, I have to make peace with myself first. I'm not quite sure how I will do that just yet besides making different lifestyle choices to improve on myself physically. As we all know, our body is our temple, we need to take care of it and respect it. I need to find a medium ground where I take in all these criticisms but don't use it against myself. I want to find a balance to where I take the critiques as something to feed my motivation instead of letting it tear me down. Hopefully, the next time I have these emotional breakdowns, it is because I've realized how amazing I am (not to sound conceited or anything).

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Thank you for all your support just by reading this post,

Until next time,

With love,

Uyen